Duckchills
Aww, it’s a cute platypus plushie, how sweet! How bittersweet, that is, because there’s more to this innocuous duck-billed denizen of Australia’s wetlands than meets the eye… OW, my eye!
This charmingly exotic plushie is actually a “Glum Ninja”, as opposed to, say, an over-exuberant ninja or a furious ninja. These photos date from 2004, and the Etsy store from which Glum Ninja C.P.F. plushies and plushie accessories could be purchased has since vanished from the internet. Enter like a ninja, exit the same way. (images via plushplex)
The Light Knight
An albino bat plushie… not the superhero we asked for but most definitely the superhero we deserve. But wait, there’s more – it’s a vampire bat (check out those pointy canines), yikes! A most fastidious vampire; it’s SO hard to get bloodstains out of white fabric fur. Not that we would know anything about that. Hocus Cadabra! Er, Abracapocus? (image via vaniab)
Sluggish & Thuggish
Well, this is terrifying! Good thing these nightmarish plushies are sloths and as such, move sloooowly. Of course, with every silver lining comes a dark cloud: the baby sloth plush clinging to its mother’s back indicates the frightening “species” is able to reproduce. (image via Better Than Bacon)
Just a Plush Wound
Spider plush, spider plush, does whatever a spider plush does… and what exactly DOES a spider plush do, besides creep you out? Let’s back up a bit further and ask: who in their right mind feels the world needed a plush spider?? No one, that’s who. In a related er, vein, have you noticed how much the above plush spider looks like the previously featured plush sloth? Now consider the fact that spiders, unlike sloths, can move surprisingly quickly when hunting prey. Yep, you should probably start running just about… too late! (image via Mandy Jouan)
Anteater Present
This lovely plush Giant Anteater sports soft felt on its forequarters and shaggy fur on its hindquarters… how many quarters is that, anyway? No, it’s not really important in the great scheme of things but we need some distraction from this all-too-lifelike plushie’s bright pink tongue. (image via Videocat)
Basic training means never having to count your calories. Check out Fat Cute Soldiers: Obesity Invades The Army!

