Another Vine Mess: 8 Awful Ways To Enjoy Tomatoes

Chocolat de Tomato

(images via: Mykolas and Zenzen Wakannai)

One day in Japan… “You got your tomato juice on my chocolate!” “You got your chocolate in my tomato juice!” And so (possibly) began the amazing story of Chocolat de Tomato, truly “Two great tastes that DO NOT taste great together.” Chocolat de Tomato comes from Meiji Dairies Corporation, one of Japan’s largest confection companies and definitely a business who should know better. Did Meiji’s marketing team conduct an focus group testing on this abomination? If so, we’ll have to assume the group was infiltrated by those employed by Meiji’s competitors. As for the Frenchified name intended to add some class and luxury, well, that’s what’s known as “polishing a turd”.

(image via: Zenzen Wakannai)

It’s not often a confectionery product evokes so much hatred the titles of reviews practically drip with vitriol, a prime example being “This Is the Most Disgusting Japanese Snack I’ve Ever Eaten” from Kotaku. Considering Japan is pretty much the world’s HQ for curious, odd and occasionally even disgusting snacks, that really says a mouthful.

Heinz Colorful EZ Squirt Ketchup

(images via: MSN Money, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette and Kitchen Appliance Centre)

Heinz had a pretty good thing going being the steady, reliable purveyor of slow-flowing, good-tasting, tomato-y red ketchup so of course they had to try and fix something that wasn’t broken. In the case of EZ Squirt, Heinz’ marketing geniuses decided to tamper with the single most identifiable feature of their ketchup. No, not the pickle on the label (that’s another story for another time), but the actual COLOR of the stuff!

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Why fiddle when Rome’s not burning? Because why be boring and red when you can be Blastin’ Green, Funky Purple or Stellar Blue? Concerned perhaps that such oddly unappetizing hues might put customers off their ketchup, Heinz then introduced so-called EZ Squirt “Mystery Color” ketchup in white bottles wrapped in special rainbow labels that disguised the true color of the condiment. Considering those colors were Passion Pink, Awesome Orange or Totally Teal, hiding them until the initial squirt might have been the one thing Heinz got right in the entire fiasco.

Tomato Ice Cream

(images via: Brainless Tales, Getfrostbite and Kubota Online Shop)

While red fruits like strawberries, raspberries and cherries make ice cream magical, tomatoes (which are fruits, remember?) instead turn delicious crème glacée into something tragical – and that’s even if they use cherry tomatoes. On the other hand, isn’t tomato ice cream pretty much frozen Cream of Tomato soup? Even if it is, so what – would you melt a tub of French Vanilla ice cream and serve it in bowls before dinner?

(image via: Chuck Newton)

Good thing tomato ice cream is as rare as it’s weird, right? Wrong, the stuff is sold in Japan by several companies in various forms including the traditional scoopable stuff and as tomato ice cream bars on sticks. Consider it to be gazpacho taken to some deeper, colder, even more horrifying level.