Alki Anonymous
(images via: Alki Middle School and Angry Alien Productions)
Early December of 2009 must have been a real bone-chiller across the entire Pacific northwest because that pole-licking Boise boy had company: a Flick-wannabe from Vancouver, Washington suffered the same embarrassing predicament on the morning of the 9th. As was the case in Idaho, firefighters descended upon the Alki Middle School (“Home Of The Wolves”) but in addition to the glass of warm water, they brought hot cocoa and cookies for the unlucky but unstuck student. The moral of the story is, if you’re going to lick a frozen pole, do it in Vancouver instead of Boise.
Witless Youths Of The World, Unite!
(image via: Amazon.com)
Lest readers think all American kids are idiots, it should be said that the phenomenon of Tongues Stuck To Frozen Poles is international in scope. Take Europe, for instance, suffering through a bitterly cold winter in which frozen poles are attracting their fair share of tongues… and not just in Poland, either. Need a ferinstance? On the weekend before Christmas, German paramedics were called to treat the bleeding tongue of a 16-year-old “witless youth” (direct quote) who got his tongue stuck to a frozen lamp post, panicked, and ripped part of it off… the tongue, not the post. The paramedics were busy most of that night attending to several other witless youths whose tongues couldn’t handle the frigid temps, which probably explains that whole Russian Front fiasco.
You’re A Grand Cold Flag
(images via: Associated Press and DOGO News)
Back in the USA, a 13-year-old girl from Spokane, Washington, made the national news by getting her tongue stuck to a frozen flagpole outside her school. Perhaps she confused the pole for her uber-cool though slightly standoffish BF. Firefighters arrived at the scene, glass of warm water, yadda yadda yadda. You may have seen pictures of this girl: bleached blonde hair, grunge-goth eye-shadow, massive Madonna-mole… if you’re a flagpole in Spokane be afraid. Be VERY afraid.
