Cute and cuddly plush animals can engender a lifelong love for wildlife. These plushies, on the other hand, have the power to hasten extinctions.
Who doesn’t like pandas? They’re cute, cuddly, vegetarian and AHHHH! Now you’ll never look at these gentle giants the same way again. Blame acclaimed Japanese anime film maker Hayao Miyazaki, whose short film Panda! Go, Panda! was released in late 1972 at the height of Japan’s “panda craze”. The result: one psychotically grinning panda plushie and an entire generation of traumatized Japanese kids. (images at top and above via Clair Ching)
But We Tigress
What the heck is this? Tithon? Cattler? Maybe it’s missing 96 legs in the middle, ‘cuz that would be even creepier (if that were possible). Then there are the eyes… you know the thing about a tiger snake, he’s got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn’t seem be living until he bites ya and the black eyes roll over white. Now who needs a boa-dacious hug? (image via Matthew Matheson)
8 Arms, One Ring
There are creepy doll’s eyes and then there’s this: a plush squid sporting slightly toned-down versions of the flaming Eye of Sauron, set into a head bereft of a mouth yet YOU must scream! Yep, things don’t get too 180-degree polar opposite from the classic Teddy Bear than this terrifying Teddy Squid. A malfunctioning ink jet printer wrapped in a ratty terrycloth towel would be more appealing. (image via hawken king)
Ever wonder what would happen if a cute l’il fluffy duckling accidentally inhaled a blowfish? That’s a disturbing thought. Even MORE disturbing is that somebody translated that thought into this globular plush toy meant to be cuddled by innocent children. Won’t somebody think of the children? Like, in a GOOD way? In any case, the obvious lesson to be learned here is: Don’t Eat FUGU! (image via Cheryl Lindo Jones)
Girl Neck Store
All neck or no neck… why not both? And if that’s not confusing enough, just what kind of creatures are these plushies supposed to be? Alpacas? Earthworms? Some sort of land-based sentient pool noodles? They appear to be mostly harmless, however, though the one in front is definitely planning something… something EVIL. (image via Lily Gicker)
Looking for creepy plush toys that make you scream instead of squee? Check out Kindest Cuts: Emily Stoneking’s Dissected Knits!